100 Words or Less: Dark Souls 3 (Spoiler-Free) DLC

Dark Souls 3 is one of those games that destroys your life. A game that not only demands masochistic level grinding, but implants the desire to do it deep within you. In other words, the game is pure evil. And I haven’t had as much fun dying (over and over and over again) in quite a long time.

We are nearing the first (and highly-anticipated) DLC drop: Ashes of Ariandel. We will be gifted with this lovely expansion in only a month (October 25th, to be exact). And already, we’re bombarded with spoilers. Only a few days ago, From Software released a gameplay trailer with a spoiler warning. (In true From Software fashion to dangle a shiny orb [trailer] beside a gruesome monster [spoilers].) I don’t care what delicious spoilers await; I am not partaking! As much as I love Dark Souls, and I as much as I would love to glean some new information on the upcoming Ashes of Ariandel, I am averting my eyes (at least for now… while my willpower is still strong). This is a fire I am not yet kindling.

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Nintendo’s Mobile Mario Runner Will End the World

When Nintendo released Miitomo, I was elated, but quickly the appeal of the glorified 3D avatar creator and social media app faded, then disappeared completely. Then, Pokemon Go hit the App Store.

As you know, immediately after its release, the world exploded.

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Everything You Need to Know About Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2

dragon-ball-xenoverse-2

I, like everyone else (on Steam, that is), logged dozens of hours into Dragon Ball Xenoverse. I couldn’t get enough of the game that reminded me of the glee of binge-watching bootleg VHSes of the extraterrestrial kungfu show in my childhood room. Never before did a Dragon Ball game demand my attention, or even garner my attention for that matter. The developers over at Dimps seemed to understand what made Dragon Ball Z so great; the kinetic action, the farcical dialogue and nonsensical story, the unapologetic assault on sound and vision. Xenoverse finally felt like the show.

Luckily for Dragon Ball fans, Bandai Namco is releasing a sequel to the near-perfectly-formulated game. But, you might ask, “What else could they add to such a feature-packed game?”

I’ve compiled a list of answers to questions just like that (so you may be able to get your own personal hype train going at full speed) along with everything else you need to know before Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2 hits the shelves in late October.

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100 Words or Less: An Ode to Glitches in Deus Ex

deus-ex-glitch

My time with Deus Ex: Mankind Divided has been… well, in short, a whirlwind. A few of the blood vessels in my eyes are undoubtedly damaged beyond repair. I have most likely developed a life-threatening form of carpel tunnel syndrome in both of my hands. My boyfriend is relatively sure that I am now a deaf mute. Anyway, you get my (exaggerated) point. I’m addicted.

never-asked-for-this

Unfortunately (or thankfully?), I am experiencing a game-breaking glitch, which has been preventing me from finishing the game. Adam goes into the subway, and never comes out. It’s quite sad. But, on the bright side, this bug is prolonging the magnificent stealth-action gameplay. For a few more days, before the deities at Eidos lovingly gift me the patch that will save my poor subway-trapped Adam Jensen, the game is uncompleted. I have time to step back and take a breath before the game sinks its teeth back into me, and addiction takes hold once more. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it? Or am I just rationalizing a horrible, horrible fate?

(Probably the latter.)

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100 Words or Less: Tomb Raided

rise-of-tomb-raider

I recently wrote up an impressions article of Rise of the Tomb Raider. I was initially very impressed by the sequel to the reboot. Upon finishing the game, however, I was left disappointed. Ultimately, I don’t think I’ll ever pick up Rise of the Tomb Raider again. There simply isn’t that much replay value. This game really received more praise than Fallout 4 from some reviewers? That’s unimaginable to me. Rise of the Tomb Raider is extremely shallow in comparison. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a wonderful game for Tomb Raider fans. I don’t think the game is horrible. It just didn’t live up to its very promising opening. I just expected the game to expand on its very cool ideas instead of rehashing them. Oh, well.

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Pony Island Is The Best Horror Comedy Game Ever Made

pony-island-indie

Pony Island is not about ponies. Pony Island is about demons; demons that want you to play a 2D side-scrolling game about jumping unicorns that have tickle battles with butterflies for —  forever! There is no escape. Hell is an unwinnable, inescapable arcade game. And you’re living it. It’s your job to hack into this digital netherworld and destroy its core files or it’s game over — for your soul!

Is this game terrifyingly hilarious or hilariously terrifying?

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100 Words or Less: Jet Set Radio

JetSetRadio

When I heard this trick-tacular news about Sega offering Jet Set Radio for free on Steam as part of their “Make War not Love” campaign I immediately downloaded the graffiti-glorifying Dreamcast classic. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve purchased Jet Set Radio (all right, I can: three). Each time I purchase it for a new console, it gets a little bit better.

It’s one of those games that’s infuriatingly difficult but impossible to put down. (The Dark Souls of rollerskating games, if you will.) Jet Set Radio is wacky, irreverent and original. It is so unabashedly itself, you can’t help but adore its sincerity.

So go download it on Steam for free if you (foolishly) haven’t already. It’s the only game where you’ll be able to roller-skate and fight the power at the same time.

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My Beautiful Dark Twisted (Indie Game) Fantas(ies)

firewatch-nightsky

The Lunar New Year Steam sale has helped bolster my indie game collection a great deal. I’ve recently purchased indie games I’ve been meaning to get my hands on for quite some time (but had been waiting for a good sale to nab them up). Here’s the thing, something amazing happened with my newly purchased indie games: they all turned out to be both surprisingly beautiful and unexpectedly dark. We’re talking screenshot-once-every-three-minutes beautiful and your-best-friend-dies-in-front-of-your-very-eyes dark.

Click the read more tab to read my somber thoughts and stare at achingly beautiful screenshots of Kingdom, Ori and the Blind Forest and more.

(Beware: spoilers ahead!)

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100 Words or Less: Train On

pokemon-super-bowl-50-ad

We all encountered something decidedly odd this (Super Bowl) Sunday. As I was reading Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World — yes, I read a novel instead of actually watching the Super Bowl, I am sorry to reveal to you that I am not a football fan — I heard something familiar fill my ears. Pokemon. I looked up from my book. And what did I see? That’s right, people, you guessed it: Pikachu. Sandwiched between the Budweiser and Doritos commercials was an advertisement celebrating twenty years of Pokemon. I was shocked (pun intended). Shocked. Helen Mirren yelling at me about drunk driving? Not nearly as surprising as the “Train On” Super Bowl spot.

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Limited Edition Uncharted PS4: Feeling Blue

PS4-uncharted-edition

The Limited Edition Uncharted 4 PS4 Bundle is available for preorder for $400 as of February 4th. The bundle will include a blue-grey and gold 500 GB PS4, a copy of Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End and a voucher for digital goodies (which includes Drake’s Fortune Outfit, Golden Weapon Skin and Uncharted Points for Multiplayer Mode).

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